so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
