she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
