9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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