we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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