she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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