were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
