this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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