if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
