first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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