I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
