How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
