I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
