Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
