i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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