In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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