i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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