i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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