Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
