I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
