Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
