Don't you send me to vm
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
