Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
