A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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