I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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