God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize