No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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