how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
