then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
