Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
