he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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