She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
