He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
