you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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