We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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