I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
