just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
