He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You may now shotgun with the bride
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
