so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
