Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
