Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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