As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
