open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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