dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
