No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I have aggressive nipples.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
