I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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