Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
