if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
