it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
