Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
