why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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