I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
