I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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