I just pynch a tree in the face
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
my poor anus
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
